Do You Ever Feel Like...me?

Some days are good. Some days are better than others. Some days are like my today...and yesterdays! Some days I feel like I'm on my knees vacuuming with a shop vac that has no attachments and my two-year-old is on my back as if I'm a tiny Shetland pony!
Voice of experience? Yes!

Ever feel like you can't get a leg up? Keep a penny...just a penny...in the bank? Go a day without feeling underappreciated, way underpaid, unloved, useless and just down right in the dumps? Like NOTHING works in your favor? Not even your own offspring! Ever felt like you’re wearing 400 extra pounds of weight on the inside?

During the last month, we have had our water cut off, the 4 of us have bathed at the Y, dodged several threatening creditor calls, had to take out payday loans, prayed the car would not be repossessed, that the lights would still be on when we got home and that we would have gas to get the kids to school AND us to work the next day. We’ve had to miss church because we have to drive two vehicles and don’t have the money for both tanks! It’s been trying!

Has anyone been confronted - Face To Face - Chin To Chin - Nose To Nose - Eyeball To Eyeball with Satan himself and smelled his stinking breath? I feel like the past few days, maybe even weeks, I can honestly say I feel as though I have!

He has tried his best to put a divide in my family by using our finances, our children, even lack of food in the cupboards and our marriage. He has tried to bring me down by making me feel like a horrible parent and an even worse wife! He has tried to put that seed of doubt in my mind! He has put obstacles in both my husband's and my path to righteousness! He has done his best to throw our temptations so they smack us in the face!

I am woman enough to admit, I questioned God! I asked him: Lord, how could you allow this to happen? Why? How much more do you think I can take? I am trying to keep faith but Oh Lord, Deliver Me and my family!

As I write this, I went on a tangent and checked my “verse of the day” that is delivered to my Google front page when I log in. This is what it read (I PROMISE THIS IS REALLY THE VERSE LISTED FOR TODAY 9/23/08...biblegateway.com):

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”- Romans 5:3-4

Okay, Lord...'Nuff Said!!!

Isaiah 43:18-19

The verse of the morning on Spirit FM was our favorite: Isaiah 43:18-19

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

When I heard that reminder, I said to myself "Yesterday was our past...even though I'm angry at the judgements and the words said, it's in the past...Today is a new start...Thank you, Jesus!"

Point is, HE allowed us a NEW DAY so that He can do NEW things with us...we are to take our yesterdays as lessons so that we don't make the same mistake twice! Satan will always try to put a divide between us and if we are weak in our relationship, he will succeed!

"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

Angie, at work, sent this to me...day after payday and I am broke! Down on my luck, two months behind in rent, empty fridge, tons of bills, I could go on but won't. Thank you my Dear LORD for remembering ME by sending the right words at the right time (yet AGAIN)! "Amazing how that works, hu?" as Ang said...Yeah, it is!

Malachi 3:3 -
"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"

He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

So, if today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that you are in God's hand; He has His eye on you; He will not let you be destroyed; and He will keep holding you and watching you until He sees His image in you.

"Pump Up" My Spirit

Today I went with my daughters on their daycare field trip to Pump It Up. WOW, what fun! There were 3 classrooms of kids ages ranging from 2-5 running around the entire place like tiny chickens, or baby goats (aka KIDS) who get so excited they can do nothing else but jump straight up and kick sideways. All the teachers were sweaty from running and jumping and climbing with the kids. I'll admit, I was a little sweaty too. Okay, I was drenched!

After these past few days, I can say that I really needed the break. Even amongst 60 screaming crazy kids, my soul walked away refreshed! These are the times the girls will remember. My son will remember the trip to the apple orchard when he was 7. And it's this time that I must remember that despite the fact we have stressful days at work, bills are stacked up on the counter, the phone won't stop ringing, and I just scoured the bottom of the pan with the rice in it because I was flipping the chicken so that it wouldn't burn, our children look to us for our unconditional love and support. They don't know that every bill collector is harassing us, they are oblivious to the 3 disconnect notices hidden in the piles of bills, who knew milk is almost $5 and Mom & Dad have to work at least an hour just to pay for two gallons so they can have their favorite cereal in the morning, or that just for us to go to the pool cost $30 (there are six of us)? They don't know about car payments or insurance or medical bills or the ridiculous increase in the cost of gas, or the lack of a raise! And the thing is, they aren't supposed too. They aren't supposed to know that spaghetti (again) for supper is because it's an expensive healthy meal.

So Lord, why did you choose ME to be a parent of two and then suddenly four? My husband says children are my calling. I confess to him I get easily frustrated and angered by our children, but not by others. And who am I to be deserving enough for the Lord to send me to another country, another land, a land so great and wonderful as Africa if I cannot tame my emotions with my own four children?

Ah, Oh LORD, I get it!!! This is my trial period! This is my obstacle course, my training! Make Disciples of the FOUR you have so that they may serve the LORD. "Suffer" so that you know how others are suffering. Eat the same meal more than once a week so that you learn that there are others who have just a bowl of rice night after night, or worse, a bowl that is empty!

This is the sludging part, the rainbow is coming! Thank you Dear LORD for the lesson! I will take it in stride and learn from my every step, just as You have asked I do! I continue the prayer for patience, for undying love, just as You are showing me, for Your forgiveness when I forget it's not all about ME and for "rest"!

Everyday we make a memory with our babies. A Polaroid or Snapshot of the day. It is up to us to make it a good memory! What will the caption read at the bottom of your Snapshot at the end of your day?

My soul was fed today! I kept praying for "rest"...and believe it or not, I got it at a giant inflatable jungle gym!

Thank You Jesus!

Surrendering It ALL

The Lord calls us to honor our father and mother! He was so serious, he included that in the 10 Commandments! Number 5, to be exact! He also calls us to forgive! Guess that goes double when it comes to your parents! After much prayer, thought and just "resting", okay, and maybe an hour & half nap after work, I've decided to stop fighting and start SURRENDERING!
So, from today forth, I shall:


Close My Eyes
Close My Ears
And Listen With My Heart

Hear Him Speak Into Me
The Words Hes Given

He Says To Me
To Surrender All The Pain
I'm Feeling
But
Don't Run Away
Don't Run Away

I'm Here For You
With All My Love
Arms Opened Up

Don't Run Away
Don't Run Away

Today I need REST!

So, today, I wake up! Thank you Jesus!
I continue on, bathing and dressing and so on...put ponytails in the three girls hair, request the oldest brush his hair AGAIN, make sure I have everything packed, grab a change of clothes for the youngest, look for my lunch (Oh, there it is, My husband put it by the door for me...Great!), make sure the kids have matching shoes on...and they fit...(believe it or not, all three girls will try to the leave the house in either shoes that are too small, too big or are different colors) and usher everyone out the door. Then proceed to drop everyone off at their appropriate designations. Now, what I'm not flavoring the story with is the amount of chaos that is going on in the background, the children screaming, the snotty noses, the dog scratching a hole in the door, the arguments between the children about what they were going to do when they got home, the WHAT'S FOR DINNER MOM, the pile of towels that are STILL waiting to be folded on the sofa, fighting of who gets in the car first, and so on...this is every mother of 4 kids, right? Am I feeling sorry for myself?
Then I get to work after spending 30 minutes with the 3 year old in her new class room, with her new teacher and new friends and new surrounding, more snotting, more crying, and there are 3, not 1, not 2 but 3 emails from my mother...All having to do with, yet another illness! AAAAAHHHH!
So, I try to make the best of TODAY...It's beautiful outside, The sun's shining, the birds are happy and there are gentlemen walking to work with a spring in their step! I decide to take a quick break right before lunch, run across the street to the bank, simply to deposit money. No big deal. Well, that's what I thought anyway. How could I be wrong? How could a deposit go wrong? Oh, I see, being NEGATIVE over $200 COULD have something to do with it! AND IT DID! WOW!!! REALLY??? How much are JUST fees? So I am officially convinced that the tellers at my bank will personally thank me for providing them with their bonuses this year! I will await the Christmas card that I KNOW will come with all of their signatures purposefully placed inside. I fight the tears! Nothing can be done to help me replace the fees. I fight the tears! Finally, back at work, my husband calls to check on my day! He immediately knew something was wrong! I cry! So much so I had to hang up with him. Then, my friend and co-worker sends me this: Matthew 11:28-30

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I really needed that! (Thanks Ang!) Of course I cried a little more...

I REALLY am in need of REST! *sigh*

I know and believe that through our trials, we will see rainbows! It's just sludging through it all to get there!

Thank You LORD for holding my hand. Thank YOU for providing my friends the exact words I need to hear! Hold me in Your Strong Arms! Help me to walk in Your ways, to not be bitter (at the bank people because it probably was my fault), to be patient, to be loving no matter what, to be understanding (that my children are just that...children), to serve YOU as you have commanded me to do!